Ep. 7 - LGBTQIA+
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Welcome to You Gone Listen at 91.5 KUNV. I'm your host Karen Jean-Charles and I'm here with Arkham Drace, a student at UNLV and we're talking about the LGBTQIA plus community today. So some context, the LGBTQIA stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual, which is only a small number of labels that people use to identify with. For a long time, the struggle for visibility and equality has been at the center of the movement and the work is far from finished. Here in Nevada, during the most recent election, there was a question on the ballot, question 2 to be exact, about whether or not to remove an existing provision in the Nevada Constitution which provides that only marriage between a male person and a female person may be recognized. This is after same-sex marriage was legalized by the Supreme Court in 2015. individuals they could not serve openly and have access to gender-affirming medical and psychological care, which went into effect in 2019. The Trevor Project, the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning young people under 25, states that in a national study, 40% of transgender adults report having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25. And the LGB youth are almost five times as likely to attempt suicide compared to heterosexual youth. So once again, there is still so, so much that needs to be done. So first, thank you for coming, Arc.
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Thank you for having me. So can you tell us what your major is and a little bit about yourself? So I just turned from a civil engineering major to a business major. Nice. I'm 20 turning 21. I don't know what else to say about myself. It's like that. I'm ADA certified for a visual design specialist under Adobe. That's literally my random fact.
0:02:29
I mean, at least you're certified, okay, Adobe, period.
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Exactly.
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So how do you identify?
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I am gay.
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So what does your identity mean to you?
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Honestly, so with the whole identity and labels, a lot of people are very specified to the labels and they mean a lot to them. I'm just a dude who likes a dude. I think boys are pretty. Girls are pretty too, but not in the same way. That's how I identify. Did you have to come out? And how was coming out for you? So, I came out to more of the my generation of the family, so I didn't have the siblings, the cousins, not the parents as much. And the funny thing with me coming out is I got, so the first three people I told, I got the three general reactions. The first one was like, are you sure? Like, is this something like you're just experimenting? Like, is it phased? Second one was like, okay. He was literally on a scooter. I told him, he flunked his foot, he's like, okay. And just continued riding. And the third one was screaming down the hall saying she knew it. I'm like, hmm. Right, like, I don't really like, the whole coming out thing, it's really controversial in our community right now. People are saying, you know, straight people don't have to come out, so why do I have to come out? And I kind of agree with that. I just like, I don't really care. My thing is, so one thing I totally agree with that is like, why do we fully need to? First of all, it's none of your business. People, this is my thing with that, if you don't ask me who I'm interested in, I'm not gonna tell you yeah, it's not like hey, I'm Arkham I'm gay like I don't do that and like there's a pin exactly like hey like I like boys It irritates me when I mean someone new and someone introduces me as gay. Oh Yeah, that's not everything and then in parties, then you just have to explain being gay or being queer like like oh Huh girls were pretty I like getting hit on by pretty girls. I'm not gonna lie, but if you do, oh my God, I had a situation, a girl, I didn't realize she was that into me. And then we started talking, I thought she was a friend. And then she's like, oh, I think I'm in love with, I'm like, who?
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This is when my cancer came out.
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I sat her down, I'm like, listen, you don't love me, you think you love me, but that's probably because of the fact that you just love the idea of being with me because I'm nice to you. That's it. And literally everyone who's told me that they have feelings for me like that, even if it's a guy, I had a best friend who for years I liked him. He didn't like me, and then one day he kind of basically came out to me saying he liked me. And I said, I'm like, let's meet up, let's sit in the car. I'm like, listen, no. No. Like, let's talk this through. I'm like you don't like me as much as you think you do.
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Right, like take out the idea of me,
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the projection of me. 100% I'm the ideal boyfriend. Unless you like clinky people. I'm not clinky.
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Do you have a Leo on your chart? Yeah.
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Okay. We have the same things,
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just in different orders. I found out that I'm actually a Scorpio rising and not a Cancer rising.
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That was interesting, but very fitting. Um, yeah, so for anyone who's interested, I'm a cancer son, Taurus, Moon, and Leo rising. Leo's where my attitude comes out.
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Period.
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Um, Leo game. Exactly. So, yeah, it's like if you, I don't even know where to go. Yeah, if you tell me like you like me, I will 100% be like, listen, you don't, you probably don't, because I treat you, I treat people decent. Yes. I, my friend was going through a breakup one time, that boy lives like 40 minutes away from my like where I do using the freeway and He's like heartbroken stuff And then I knew that like I was working my shift at Godiva and I knew he liked these little berry cups I'm like, yo, like you want some he's like, oh, I'm sunny. I can't have you over. I'm like, I'm not trying to come over I'm trying to be your uber eats Exactly he's like I'm like he's like what I'm like, yeah I'm not trying to come over and I'm literally just trying to drop it off and leave and then that boy's face lit up like crazy Like I will treat you right even if we're just a friend It just if we vibe or for good we'll do that and that's where it gets tricky with people Yeah, they mistake it for romance exactly. I'm like, especially the people I've been treating, right? I'm like listen just cuz I treat you right doesn't mean it's romantic How about like relationships when it comes to people questioning their sexuality and they're completely okay with that. Because my thing is, well, first of all, we're vibing. I tell all the people I talk to off of Tinder, like when I use Tinder and stuff, I'm like, listen, we're vibing, we're friends. Like, you may have my Snapchat, we may have met on Tinder, but we're friends first. I'm like, this is my thing, friend zone is like, everyone's like, oh my God, the friend zone.
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I'm dead.
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I'm dead. I'm like, no, we're vibing. I'm like, yes, it is the best sound because I'm going to know who you are Yeah without get like everything pressure exactly. I'm like, we're chill We're friends and then I'm like who's gonna make a move who's not gonna make a move Is this going where we think it's going boom clicks beautiful. That is my When it comes to like questioning it's always really different with dating women though, like There's always that. I mean, I'm not gonna devalue anyone's sexuality, or just, you know, but a lot of vicarious women, you know, they're just like, you know, I just wanna date. And then they're just like, oh, I'm not gay.
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Nevermind.
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I definitely think it's easier for women for how we societally do it, because like men is like men. For women it's like, oh, like. Yeah, they can like experiment and try, yeah. I know like a family member who's like I kind of want to try I'm like, okay But let them know It's my thing is I'm like if you let me know I'm chill cuz like there's there's some people who like strictly go for straight boys I'm like no, that's Don't and then they complain. I'm like, don't be stupid. Mm-hmm My thing is like I know someone's offended right now like you need to listen to that part. Listen to it again
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Do not be offended and go after straight people and they still end up straight.
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No, so I like, in all honesty, if I had to marry one person I know right now, it would be a dude I know. That man is so amazing, but I have no romantic feelings for him because he's straight. But like, I love this man with all my heart. It's a bromance. I would love a bro, I love my bromances. And like, if I had to marry someone I knew, it would be this man. And this man probably knows that. But like, literally, I have no like romantic feelings for them because I know Cuz my thing is like this you can't force a gay boy to be straight can't force a straight boy to be gay Yeah, I'm like you have to see both sides of it and the fact that yeah, you're sexualized like this But they're sexualized like that. Yeah, I like the people who are like, oh, I mean everyone's a little bit gay I'm like, okay everyone's a little bit straight. Yeah I'm like you gotta think about it like that too. So if you're saying that that person has to like some kind of dude, then you gotta like some kind of chick. And the thing is, I do feel that everyone finds someone else attractive probably at the same sex, but it doesn't mean that they're like, I wanna do everything else with them. I just think you're pretty.
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And that's okay.
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Exactly, that's completely fine. I feel like society has put so much pressure on like not only like defining yourself but also like your relationship with other people, your friendships. Once you like decide to label yourself as something all of a sudden people take into question like okay what about my friendship with you like I don't like girls or whatever I'm like okay I wasn't going after you you're literally my friend and it doesn't really matter how I identify, you're still gonna be friends the same way. See, that I feel is just the thing of immaturity because in middle school and such, I hated other guys because they're just so blatantly stupid like that. I went to a little bit of high school and then went up to college. Boys are great, I love my guys. Like, they're like, you got lucky
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because I'm wondering like where are the gay guys at?
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Like I, what is it, when I was searching for a roommate, I'm like, cause I was talking about working and stuff, and he's like, oh yeah, you gotta get money to like take out the girls. I'm like, oh, I'm gay. He's like, oh, take out the guys. I'm like, sick. Everyone I talked to had no kind of issue. Like I've never met someone in college who had an issue with gay people. Yeah, that's why I'm just really happy with this generation. Like I feel like we're completely different than the ones before us and like we're more progressive but there's still you know some people that are ignorant and all that. There's some who say oh well like now everyone's accepting being gay now people are just turning gay. I'm like no just more people are coming out. But now I identify as queer because I'm just like I really don't care about a label so if you have to label me just give me queer. See I definitely feel like labels are just a thing of social media. Cause if you post a picture of something pretty, who's that? Who's that? Y'all dating? Y'all doing other stuff? What y'all up to? I'm like, first of all, I know your business. Second of all, I'm trying to be, like the kind of relationship I want to chill. So I want it to be like funny. So where it's like, oh, are you two dating? Like, now we're roommates.
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Y'all have like matching rings. Now we're roommates.
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Like it's our roommate rings.
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Like we're...
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Y'all have like wedding photos on the wall it's like yeah dude that's Halloween yeah that's probably gonna have to be like that with my parents but we're just friends we're best friends who share everything and a child have you ever experienced homophobia oppression or because of the way that you identify if so what is the story that had the biggest impact on you? See, thankfully I've haven't had any like traumatic issues. The most I got was teasing Which I didn't care about because I was so popular Like literally I went from like getting teased at elementary school to everybody know my name middle school So I'm like sick what y'all want and then high school everyone knew my name I know people but they knew my name now I'm like cool sick so like I never got that like people have real bad stories yeah I've been lucky to not have like I've never gonna beat it up like that like that kind of stuff I think we just
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haven't had that kind of situation the worst is literally some teasing yeah I think for me it's just like it's like the the microaggressions I know we use that term for like racism, but like just the, oh, like, I know you're, you don't understand this because you're gay. I'm like, first of all, I'm not gay. But I know I date men too, but, and it's just like this, it's the slight stuff, but like, I don't really like have, I mean, I never got beat up.
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I also feel like it's a big thing
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with our high school though too, because our high school was very progressive. Yeah. Like we had some transgender people, we had a lot of like gay, like everything people. And if you can get someone, find someone over it, everyone will attack your butt. And then our whole, like, even our like prom system, it's always the underdog that wins. Always the underdog that wins. No matter how popular you are, the underdog will win. I feel like it's two words, like, whose day would it make better to be voted prom king? That's why I, even though like Southwest was like It was people are decent. Yeah, I met some really cool people including you anyway What do you wish people knew about being you are there any misconceptions about your identity or any stereotypes that just aren't true The whole stereotype I'm like so oh With other one who's a girl in the relationship? Oh my and I'm like you do realize I'm gay cuz I like boys, right? I'm like being gay is two boys That is probably one of the most frustrating questions ever my thing is I'm like if you identify as more feminine go ahead Exactly, you're not affecting me. I don't care like go ahead do what you need to do But it's when other people come up to me. It's like I'm like So I don't I don't give a crap about like, oh, I didn't know you were gay. Cool. I don't go advertising it. It's none of anyone's business if I do what I do. There were some people in our school who were very openly gay. And by openly gay, it's they're gay and they're very flaunty about it, 100%. Cool, didn't affect me. Chill people. As long as you're not, there's one in my grade. Because they did weird things. does wanna immigrate, well, I don't know. Because they did weird things. Yeah, but like, 100%. But like, the other people that I'm like, yo, go ahead, do what you need to do, do what you wanna do, I don't care, you're not affecting me. And then, but like, it's the fact that other people expect me to be like that. I'm like, have like three sons, you expect all of them to be the same? Like, no, no, not everyone's gonna be the same in this kind of category. We have, and like, they even try to like, bust it down into like, categories. And I'm like, dude, that's so much work. It really doesn't matter. My favorite though, favorite thing, is having people debate if I'm a top or a bottom. It's so funny, it is so funny. Because I've had coworkers fight over it. Oh my God. Because someone's in the back, like they were literally in the back, he's like, oh he's such a bottom. Have you heard what he does? That is a top right there, it's like, no, no, that is a bottom, they went for 30 minutes. Shout out to my good Diver Managers.
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But yeah, they went for like 30 minutes,
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just like going at it, I'm like laughing, like I'm just sitting there, I'm like, this is hilarious. I'm loving every bit of this, because like, it's just funny. Some people do get offended over it, which in that case, let the people know. I don't, and I'm just like, go ahead, this is hilarious. Because no matter what you say, I know what I am.
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So I'm chill with it.
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You gotta know who you are first. That's one piece of advice that I give to anyone who's still in the closet. It really doesn't matter what other people think of you, just whoever you think you are, that's who you are.
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That's in general. And also don't date people until you know who you are. Because you're putting, I date people, I know people who's like, I don't know who I am, so I'm gonna push that on you. That's where the clingy people come in, and that disgusts me. I'm like, yo, listen, I got my stuff to do, you got yours. In my opinion, a relationship is two people coming together, not one person taking over someone else's life. And then that plays a huge part in it, because they don't know what they are, they don't know who they are, what they're doing. I'm like, no, you got to figure that out before you start dating, especially if you're gay. Because one of the things I hate in the gay community is that when you're young, because you don't have anyone to talk to about it and no one to do stuff with, you go on Grindr.
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And then they prey on that.
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They prey on that. I'm like, that's not okay.
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That is a huge problem in the LGBTQIA plus community because when you have no one around you that is just like Accepting or you're scared to come out and then you try to have a relationship You try to find solace in that and then people are just preying on that
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They take advantage of that and then one like 100% I feel with that kind of topic is they're just rushing to date I was that person. I was 100% like oh, let me find someone like me and like let me like let them take care of me Let me do that. I used to be a horrible kind of person when it came to dating. I'm like, yo, love me, I wanted attention, I wanted to be everything, and now I'm just like, I better not be the most important thing in your life. That is pathetic. I'm like, the person who should be most important to you in your life is yourself. And then, I needed someone to show me that. Like, I was stupid going crazy over this one person because I thought I messed things up. And they were like, dude, you need to chill out. You need to chill out. And after that, I looked at them, I'm like, I was crazy. I was like, oh my God, three months went by. It's like, who that? I don't know who that was, but we don't talk about that no more. Like delete, control or delete, control Z. Like, no, we don't talk about that. That's not me, move on.
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Yeah, for me, it was like, I don't think I was ever that person but I was always the person that people would come to who were still figure themselves out because like I mean I'm a if you guys don't know I'm a psychology major I like psychology because I don't know I've always been a therapist friend and like I just like the material and like I want to be a therapist one day so people
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are just like oh yeah she wants to be a therapist so she's gonna fix me. No, I don't have a degree. I don't have a license. Okay. I'm not your therapist but like but like when you don't know who you are and you're just like Trying things out and you're just I don't know. It's just I mean, I guess someone has to do it No, I 100% was that person for so many food or high school not even like them trying to like figure themselves out like sexuality wise. It's like every kind of issue I was a relationship counselor for so many couples. Hey Who's I dating? Where do I know my information from coaches don't play? Period we watch TV. Yeah, I Watched so many shows and like but I because of the fact that I was so like to myself Like I was because your boy has never had a long-term relationship The longest one was like two months and I broke up pretty good. I tried to get to one But yeah, so it's like something like that and I'm like, you know you first I like I listen to their issues like Oh, there's like I'm like, did you think about what they felt like? Like that's like the easiest question if you're ever gonna like fight with someone that you really care about, and you're trying to figure out what the hell happened, it's like, take a second, forget about you, what did they feel like? It's like, you did something that hurt them, and they obviously hurt you, explain why they hurt you. Communication's so important. And some people don't understand that. I'm like, you're so stupid. Why do you not understand this? I literally look at a friend, I'm like, you're being a dumb butt. Like, you're being stupid right now. My friend was crying in the car because her boyfriend did something wrong. I'm like You really he doesn't realize he did that wrong and he's not gonna go until you tell him he did that wrong Mm-hmm, and she's like, oh Yeah, and then that turned into a whole like one hour issue of like divulging like her whole evolution of like trauma I'm like, yeah And then like literally I got put in this like therapist position because of the fact that I was chill, I was easy to talk, cancer. There's really, I could summarize it at that, period. I'm a cancer. Like, cause emotions are a tricky thing. You can't play with someone's emotions. I try my best not to, but sometimes it happens.
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It is kind of fun.
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You see, sometimes the boy gets bored. Sometimes criminal minds puts up their file. Why are we the same person? You know, sometimes criminal minds puts up their season finale and you finish your show and you're like, I need something else. Eric, how you doing? Literally like that. Like, it's literally like that. Oh my god. Okay. So, the LGBTQIA plus community that annoys you or you find problematic? It's honestly people take in this world people think things are hard too quick, too damn quick. It's to where like also people who are gay automatically like, oh, especially when they're younger now, like there's more like options and stuff. They're not as much like this, but especially when they're younger, it's like oh, we're gay you have to like me. I'm like no I'm like just because I like boys and you're a boy that likes boy doesn't mean that we're compatible I return I'm a very picky person and that's why I'm single It's literally because of that because I feel like I went through the well of people in Vegas who I'm attracted to and now Nope, I've had someone go off at me because of the fact that I was not attracted to them. Because they started hitting on me, and it's like, they thought I was, I'm like, yo, no, no, so, okay, let me explain this. I was drunk. It was a party, and this person came up to me, and they started touching me, and they were like, get the hell away from me. First of all, no matter who you are, do not touch me unless I know you like that. Consent. Exactly. Oh, this is so important. And then, they're like, what? And I'm like, get away from me, because they kept doing it. Like, oh, you're doing this because I'm gay, blah, blah, blah. And they started going off on me. I'm like, yeah, so you want to get away from me? And they literally just backed off. And if I have multiple issues with this, people are getting legitimately upset just because I'm not into them. I'm like, that's not an, you do understand, that's a straight dude going for another girl. She's not into him. If he goes off on her. That's an issue if she goes off on him for not liking her back That's an issue Everyone has this issue. I feel like people separated gay and straight so much sometimes. I mean that's ridiculous We're basically the same people. We just like different people like the same gender. Yeah, we're the same kind of people the same like Romantic issues we have the same social issues we have not social issues. We have like a lot of like same like mundane issues But people don't recognize that and they expect also just because they're gay to expect more. I'm like, that's not it That's I never thought about like the hypersexual Hypersexualization of the LGBTQIA community because that actually really happens a lot like they assume because you are a part of this then all of a sudden then you have to do all this and it's just like No, I'm literally a person just like I'm still a person. I still keep exactly I've had a I Had a person that I personally really liked and one time they were high and they're like, hey come over I'm like, okay So like I went over to the place and I'm like, you know, like I'm not trying to like doing it Like I'm not trying to sex like listen I'm not trying to have sex and like oh me either but I'm trying to like do other stuff I'm like for me like personally hooking up is makeup like nothing like that's about it like that's what's fun to me if we do more we do more look I like I like like my ideal date is like talking for three hours and making out at the end it's so much fun because I get to know you and then I'm like okay cool like let's because attention builds I'm a I'm a sucker for attention. So just some advice real quick for like some the LGBTQIA plus community watching this if you're like new or you're just questioning yourself like just remember that consent is key. Not everyone is going to like you and just like just relax. Understand the other person is still a person, just learn who you are first before you engage in anything that you're concerned about. Be validating yourself before you seek validation from others. Yeah, because it's a huge problem because we have parents that are just like, they'll completely ignore it or they'll just like, they'll not accept you. You have friends that won't accept you sometimes. You have like mentors and stuff that are just like that might look at you weird or whatever but just like you cannot seek validation in another person just because you know you're going through something that's no one should have to go to. And the thing is I know it's hard because I did it. I 100% did it. I was like oh the only thing that gave me my self-confidence because my family tore it down. The only thing that gave me self-confidence is other people telling me I'm hot. There was a point in high school right after I came out I made a cake right that's when cake was so cool and then my friend Christian went through my phone and he's like holy crap I'm like what he's like you have over 500 dudes you're talking to I'm like not talking to they just told me I'm pretty that's it yeah like I go on there for validation that's about it that but that's also a very big thing about social media nowadays. You go on there for validation, like that's about it. But like as a gay dude who doesn't get that in person from other people, I was seeking out even more. Because I'm like, I need to know that I'm attractive. Because I didn't think I was attractive. So like, back then I was like, I need someone to tell me I'm cute to think that I'm cute. And then they're like, and those over 500 guys told me, and I'm like, cool, that's all I needed.
0:26:53
So are there any social medias that you wanna shout out, any projects you're working on?
0:26:59
The projects that I'm working on are, I'm starting a little company, a little custom journal and notebook company. Period. It's called Le'Veon. It's literally all about you. It's still in the process of getting started up, and product design and so much, but it's literally supposed to be all about you because nowadays with notebooks, you should take what you get and there's not much customization to it unless you want to pay $60 for a notebook. I'm trying to make it more affordable, make it small business, make it handmade, like literally every order is made by order and that's where you can keep it cheap. Simple supplies, good supplies, like high quality and keeping like that. And I'm hoping to launch by the end of the year,
0:27:37
but we'll see.
0:27:38
But that's literally the goal.
0:27:40
Keep on the lookout, y'all. Is there any social medias that's around?
0:27:44
No.
0:27:44
Because your boy kinda, to make sure that he gets his projects out, your boy kinda just stood back from the social medias. Because I realized that, I'm spending over five hours a day on TikTok. Oh, I feel you. And then when I don't go on TikTok, I go on Instagram, I watch TikToks on there. And then Snapchat, I watch TikTok people on Snapchat sometimes. And like my other friends on Snapchat, like the little stories and such, I'm like, let me do that. What's this about? I find some way to spend five hours on social media, and it's really not acceptable.
0:28:16
Work, life, balance, people. 100%. But I'd like to thank you for coming.
0:28:21
Thank you for having me.
0:28:23
And thank you for listening to You Gone Listen. And thank you for listening to You Gone Listen. I'm your host, Karen Jean Charles, and I will see y'all next week.
Transcribed with Cockatoo
